–Jay Dratler, American Screenwriter

I gave my seminary tens of thousands of dollars and gallons of blood, sweat and tears. They gave me a pen.

In recognition of my most recent graduation–finished up the MA in Theology–the seminary wanted to celebrate and solemnize the occasion by giving me a cheap pen inscribed with said seminary’s logo. It’s in an unnecessarily large wooden case, and came complete with a refill.

Now I don’t wish to appear ungrateful, but since I am ungrateful, I probably shouldn’t try to hide it. I say, best to be direct about the thing. I don’t want their pens. I want a few diplomas, and then I want them to leave me the crap alone. Best not to sugarcoat the whole process with a few lousy gifts.

I know what you’re thinking, a pen is better than nothing, right? Wrong. Right now I have a cheap pen on my hands. If they’d sent nothing, I’d have my righteous indignation about a seminary which has too little time and forethought to send me even a small gift, perhaps a pen. I’d much prefer that gift.

But beggars can’t be choosers. If they could be, I’d choose an all expenses paid trip to Hawaii and a shopping spree at Forever 21 and tell them to take their pen and shove it.

And then maybe when I graduate for good, I’ll send them a pen.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 25th, 2007 at 9:33 am and is filed under From the nation of Indig. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.