Bike crusaders.
This little anecdotal morsel is a week or so old, and yet it hasn’t lost its delightful crunchiness.
We were riding north on Woodruff when a black SUV spewing CDs from its windows passes us. The vehicle screeches to the side of the road, and a rangy looking preadolescent shoots from the passenger door and begins running toward us. As she runs she shouts to Paul, “Sir, my CD went out the window and is in the street. Could you get it on your bike?” The young mongrel apparently believes people on bikes are akin to modern day superheroes, bound to perform feats of courage and daring at a moment’s notice.
So summoned, Paul puts on his cape, retrieves the CD, and returns it to its grateful owner, who replies, “Thanks! This is the new Jonas Brothers CD and I JUST GOT IT!” Upon hearing this, I snatch the CD from her tiny hands, snap it in half, and toss it back into traffic, where it is immediately crushed by a steamroller, adding insult to well-timed injury. She is shocked, but immediately realizes that her taste in music would have shamed her in later life and that I have just spared her the harrowing experience of someday attending a Jonas Bros. concert with all her single, marginally employed, 30-something female friends and literally dozens of other still faithful fans, all bound in fraternity by their possession of lamentable musical taste. I tell her she is welcome. She bows gravely in gratitude.
In reality, she runs like a blithe idiot back to her car, CD in hand, to subject her mother and her own rapidly suiciding brain cells to a robust dose of musical arsenic. Later that night, I listen to some Tom Petty in an effort to even out the universe, but superheroes can only do so much good in the face of Jonas Brothers-ridden world. And yet we fight on.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Why so down on the J brothers? I think they’re the tops!
September 1st, 2008 at 5:08 pm
You are one brave soul Denise.
September 2nd, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Are you being sarcastic? I hope so. I can tell by looking at these fools, much less listening to their music, that they deserve my mockery and derision. I may be completely ignorant (and I am sufficiently arrogant/narcissistic to completely doubt that caveat), but I surmise that little bravery has been required to make the above pronouncements. But, just to justify your charges of bravery, I also hereby denounce NKOTB, N*Sync, Backstreet Boys, Hansen, MC Hammer, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, and the Beach Boys.
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Denise, I agree with you on denouncing everyone on your list, except for *Nsync. It is good music to listen to during a work out and they did put on a great concert!!! Plus JT has curly hair like my husband.
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Oh I’m so glad you mentioned the Beach Boys, oh how I loathe them! They are like sandpaper to my ears and don’t even get me started on Brian Wilson.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:03 pm
A hero comes to us in our darkest hour to stand against the sound based injustices of the Jonas Brothers. Man those girls (yes, I said girls) release a cd every week. It’s a Disney world domination plot man! I bet if you play the songs back wards they say something like “you will pay for outrageously over priced disneyland and california adventure tickets.” Then Mickey’s maniacal laughing can be heard in the background. I’m convinced.
September 3rd, 2008 at 6:03 am
I take offense at the Hansen and MC Hammer references!
Hansen had some great hits in Mmmmbop and If Only. And these guys are actually musicians. Everytime I see the Jonas Brothers on tv it sounds like pre-recorded garbage.
And MC Hammer…he was my first love! He was rap when rap wasn’t immediately equated to gangster. I played by cassette tape of “2 Legit 2 Quit” repeatedly!
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I have to admit I might have had some memories of little brother Na-Na’s (pronounced Nay-Nay) Jr. and High School music choices in mind. I do love Mmmbop and 2 Legit. Mostly because they’re bad.
September 4th, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Nooooooo! haha